


Impasse

by IheartKyloRen



Series: Magnetic Minds [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, One Shot, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22995760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartKyloRen/pseuds/IheartKyloRen
Summary: Rey has a terrifying experience that changes everything. Kylo learns to let go.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Magnetic Minds [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643683
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	Impasse

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger/Warning: There is absolutely no sex in this installment. The purpose of this installment is to bring a quick reality check to Rey and Kylo's relationship. It's dark, deep, feely, and has a scary experience with the idea of losing a baby. Please be forewarned you might react poorly to this installment if you have had any such experiences. You do not need this installment in order to proceed to the next, as it is simply character/plot building. Being that these are part of a collection of one shots they should for the most part be able to be consumed separately as snap shots from a larger story built for Reylo.
> 
> I go where they tell me to go, I apologize if this is too far off the course for you. I don't plan these things, they just happen.

Hot water scalds her at first. A shower meant to clean and comfort normally now a cover for disappointment. She feels herself trembling not only physically, but through every nerve fiber in her. A beautiful night marred by an unexpected event beyond either of their control. Rey lets Kylo sleep, unsure how to describe what she is feeling, retreating to the shower, the evidence washing down the drain. She hasn’t even cried. She knows she will, but it’s still too surreal.

It’s the first time she has looked forward to something in years, or really for most of her life. She should have trusted herself from the start, if she had she wouldn’t be here now. Wishing to shrink away from the sound of the refresher door opening, she averts her eyes when he looks into the shower. He has been calling her name and she has been ignoring him.

“Oh, Rey,” is all he says, his voice knowing.

Her eyes turn towards him, her lip quivering. That is when the tears find her. Always with him. It’s just a second in time the distance that at first felt so wide as she wondered how she was going to tell him. There was no need for explanation, he steps into the shower sinking beside her pulling her tightly to him. Lips press to the top of her head, he says nothing, but rocks her gently. She can feel him attempting to hold her tight enough to end her trembling, but it isn’t working.

A few minutes pass until he reaches above them and shuts the water off. First wrapping a towel around his waist, her tosses a towel around her and swings her into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she allows him to carry her back to the bed.

“I should call the med droid and have them check you out,” he says, his voice gentle.

With a short nod she rolls over, curling in the blankets still wrapped in the damp towel. An attempt at falling away into the unknown. She can’t disappear, too visible now. He has her where she knows he has always wanted her, and what she needed him for currently, is dying inside her. That’s how it feels. It isn’t his fault she was and is so in need of him. She always will be, but now she’s not sure she belongs here with him on this ship. She doesn’t belong with the Resistance, or on Jakku any longer either. She has no place she really belongs. The tears come again as she tries to muffle them, not wanting him to feel the need to comfort her. His touch as painful as it is a comfort. Will he ever be able to understand how she will hate him for this loss, and the only part he is responsible for is for making something to be lost to begin with.

It isn’t something either of them had planned. Completely unexpected, but here she is a vulnerable mess in the bed of her adversary who she just happens to be in love with. Time has ceased to pass. She doesn’t know for how long, but she can tell it’s no longer moving, at least it feels that way. From the way Kylo has shuffled around the room getting dressed to greet the med droid, she knows it really hasn’t been more than a few minutes. It doesn’t change the fact she knows this pain will never end.

Kylo’s hand circles her back, forcing her to jump at the sudden sensation before relaxing into it. It feels nice, but she still resents it. His touch the reason she feels the way she feels. How he is not enraged is beyond her. She expects things thrown, smashed, broken. It is easy to see how protective he is barely having any time to adjust to the idea. It doesn’t make any sense. The calm he has reminds her of Leia. She wonders if he knows how much like her he really is. Without the rage he leans towards, he could have done amazing things. That is the difference between Ben and Kylo. Ben would be more like the man with her now. Comforting her, remaining calm, calling the doctor. Kylo, well, he isn’t with her at the moment. He would be the one elsewhere destroying something where she couldn’t see. Either man wanting to protect her, but one with comfort and one with hiding his uncontrollable rage.

Kylo lets the med droid in. She hears the wheels of the rolling cart it has brought with it. The examine is a blur. The most uncomfortable sensation she could imagine, cold steel reaching in to check her. This after the droid uses ultrasonic tech to scan her belly. Finally, she disappears, disassociating at last she lets all of it go and the numb claims her. Dreaming of the ocean, the smell of the salt air rushing in from rough waters. The island she loves a cacophony of beauty, between the birds and the crashing waves under the cover of rumbling skies prepared to rain.

Luke was there, but it’s been so long ago now, she feels like it was a lifetime. A happier time, mingling with the intermittent need for Kylo Ren, the man she projected the idea of Ben on for too long before she could see him for his true self. He is neither man, he is both. A blend of everything she loves and hates about him, but it’s all so fucking perfect. Now how is she ever going to look at him again? Not after this, she has already felt it, the devastation rolling off of him. He can pretend to hide it, but he is no better at it than her when this vulnerable. Open books, if they so chose to read, while neither really peruse the pages within. The blurb enough to tell the story of their current feelings. The moment they both accept their bond is far more than love. Far more than the Force at work in mysterious ways. It has yet to fully yield it’s truth, but they both know they will have to seek a final explanation to all that makes them who they are together. Whether they take the journey with one another or not.

It doesn’t matter if he is there with her, she is isolated as she always has been. While he might feel the loss, he doesn’t feel what she feels, and even through the Force, she would never condemn him to that terror. She has no idea where she has drifted to, but she feels better there, far away from the med droid, from Kylo, and somehow she can’t fully escape. Sounds keep peeking into her subconscious pulling her back as she fights them off.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

_What is that? Just stop, go away._

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

Tasting the salt from her own tears, she opens her eyes seeking an explanation she wishes she didn’t want.  Blurred vision makes it difficult to see, but in a short moment, his face comes into view with his hand pressed over his mouth, stains from tears on his cheeks. Odd, his face doesn’t look sad, wrinkles from what would be a smile hide around the sides of his hand. 

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

“What is that?” She asks painfully, her throat too dry. 

Wiping his face with the back of his hand he smiles down on her. “That’s the baby Rey. You didn’t lose it.”

“We didn’t?” she chokes on a sob.

Shaking his head, biting his bottom lip. “No, we didn’t. Everything is okay.”

“Then why?”

“It happens sometimes. We’ll just have to be careful and keep an eye.”

Letting out a deep breath, she feels the rush of relief flood through her. The med droid leaves and Kylo joins her in bed. His heavy arm holding her to him protectively. Wrapping her tiny hands around his arm, she holds him just as hard. Retracing all of her thoughts, she tries to reflect on how she felt, and how she had thought she might have to deal with it. With how she can tell he feels and how he will deal with it if it happens again. She isn’t even sure where her mind had gone or for how long, but she knows that it wasn’t good. No one should feel that detached from themselves.  Her heart races as it dawns on her she needs to lock down her mind, before he can see anymore. Fairly certain he hadn’t witnessed most of her delusional state caught up in his own fears and thoughts. 

“Kylo, I’m sorry if I scared you,” she says plainly.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I reacted too fast. I could have visited with a med droid or doctor first.”

“Panic doesn’t always let us do the logical thing Rey.”

She wonders if he will remember that statement as time passes. It is something Ben would say, not Kylo. Kylo would swallow the panic and do everything illogical as long as he can get the end result he desires. 

Somewhere through the course of the evening they both fall back to sleep. Slipping from the bed, she watches for any signs of disturbing him. He shifts and rolls to his side, but he’s out, she can tell by the way he is breathing. Biting her lip, she dresses quickly, grabbing her shoes and the one bag she had brought with her from Jakku. Leaving only a small vial she has had since she was a young child. The only heirloom from her mother and father, a perfume. Placing it on the bedside table a gesture that she still loves him and wants him to remember her. 

Not even sure what her plan is, she sneaks out, slipping her shoes on in the corridor. It’s quiet, no sounds of troopers anywhere. She remembers her way to the bay easily, having it mapped in her head since the first time she made the trip. Always the need to be prepared to run. The man could be a ticking time bomb, and she just lit  the fuse. She looks around the bay for a ship. The only one that she could get away with easily is his. Staring at the Silencer, as he calls it, she accepts she has no choice but to leave with both of his babies. 

Climbing in, it smells just like him. Tears flood her eyes as she powers up the console. Holding the controls in her hands she has a momentary second thought. Short lived, as she knows she can’t go through this with him again. Not after all of that. One day he will understand she is protecting him this time.

Holding back a sob, the tears stream down her cheeks silently as she remembers every time he touched her body. Every time he kissed her. The way she felt when he was inside of her. His touch isn’t something she will forget. She knows if she leaves, she will have to fight the desire to come back one day. Hoping, she can find the strength to forget the way he makes her feel, she wipes the tears from her eyes on the back of her arm and looks out the window to take off. 

The ship hovers.  Sensing him there, watching, reaching for her through the Force.  Not even trying to stop her otherwise already knowing he has to let her go.  While she can’t actually see him, she does  _see_ him, and it’s a face that will haunt her.


End file.
